International student: I got in a car accident on my way to the airport.
Oblivious science student: OMG that’s crazy, I just don’t know how anyone manages to drive in Africa with no roads.
- Burnside Basement

Girl (lounging on sofa, gets up to leave): Gotta go meet Flipper down by the docks, he’s bringing me a shipment of cocaine.
- Solin Hall

Female sexual predator: I have a cookie jar in my pants and the lid is always open!
- Solin Hall

Guy: You do realize what you just did, right? You tied a Holocaust paper to Pokemon.
- RVC

Professor: I don’t even turn on the television anymore. It’s just violence. It’s all rape, and gore, and homosexual pedophiles in wheelchairs who chop up grandmothers.
- 19th Century Philosophy