Professor: What population has a high rate of myopia?
Student: Nerds?

-Leacock

Girl 1: If the guy is really big, wouldn’t you be more likely to get pregnant?
Girl 2: No, only when his balls are big.

- New Rez

Guy (on phone): You’re just looking for the cheapest way possible to get completely wasted. Here at McGill, we have class. We drink, like, Rum Runner.

-University & Milton

Girl: (yelling angrily) Will someone PLEASE tell me what the STUPID Spanish Inqui-frickin-sition is?!

-Leacock

Guy: If you’re crap at SML, then I’m period blood at SML.

-Trottier

Guy 1: Viruses are like the STDs of porn.
Guy 2: Yeah, that’s why you use a Mac. It’s like wearing a condom.
Guy 1: Yeah, but it just doesn’t feel the same.

-Duluth

Guy: Avada Kedavra is so romantic!
- McTavish

Fencer 1: See, I’m a dualist, and he’s a monist.
Fencer 2: Well, since we’re fencers, we’re technically all dualists.
Fencer 1: Yeah, I guess he just duals himself.
- Fencing Tournament

Girl: These sunglasses are SOOOOOOO awesome, they adapt their color to the amount of light! They are SOOOOOOOO utilitarian.
Philosophy student : I hope she kills herself.
- Outside of Leacock

Guy: “Listen…Bob Dylan…Musical genius, yea…but premature ejaculator.”