[Group of people discussing which nationality is the best looking]
Girl: Brazilians are bomb.
Guy: Eastern European chicks are always sooo hot because they can’t afford food.
- Gardner 7

Guy: Three games, three teams of 11 each. thats 999 people.
Everyone looks around awkwardly.
Guy: I did my math wrong didnt I. I’m doing Literature and Linguistics as a major, I can only read!

—Gardner Rez Council

Management Girl (Talking to her friend in Science): You Science people think that you know everything. Just because you’re in Science doesn’t mean that you know more than me.
Science Friend: Alright, why don’t you prove it? What does the C in E = mc² stand for?
Management girl (Being completely serious): Thats too easy. THE C stands for CHAOS!!
—Gardner

(Prof has just been explaining molecular orbitals for the last half hour)
Student: Yes but what about E = mc² ?
(entire class stares in silence….)
Prof: Ok… ummm…. that has absolutely nothing to do with any of this.
—-Chem 212

[Ed Note: When one of our edtiors read these two quotes, it resulted in the following:]
(at a party)
Editor: Hey, do me a favor.
girl: Sure
Editor: What’s the e in E = mc² stand for?
Girl: (confused look) …?
Editor: E… = mc².
Girl: …?
Editor: Einstein?
Girl: What?
Editor: You just made my day, I love you.

Girl 1: Yo, I woke up without pants on. What even happened last night?
Girl 2: You passed out on the toilet with the door wide open. We tried to put your pants back on, but you wouldn’t let us.
Girl 1: Oh thank God, I thought I had sex.

–Gardner Hall 

Girl: How do you spell ‘president’?

—Gardner Hall, during the Open House

[Two blondes walking down the stairs]
Blonde Girl #1: Oh my god, I can’t believe we live on an island! I so didn’t know that!
Blonde Girl #2: I know… what would you do if it just like, sank?

- Gardner

Stoned Boy #1: Hey, does taste exist?
Stoned Boy #2: No…
Stoned Boy #1: Then taste! (passes beer) Does it taste? Or does it feeeel?

–at Gardner Hall

Stoned Guy: What if sea creatures have it right and we have it wrong?
–Gardner Hall

Drunk Girl: I don’t like hot dogs, but I love blowjobs.

–Gardner Hall

Part One:
Drunk Male: I’m a fucking retard! Not retard as in “this is a safe zone” but retard as in “I’m missing a fucking Y chromosome.” If you were in science you’d understand…wait, what?
–Gardner Hall

Part Two:
Drunk Girl: I’m a prophet, and prophets don’t drink
–Gardner Hall

Part Three:
Drunk Male: Greece, the country. I has lots of island. 5 letters. G-R-E-E-K. Fuck! Shit! No, 7 letters. G-R-E-E-C…FUCK!
–Gardner Hall

Part Four:
Drunk Male: I am too drunk to taste my Gatorade, but it tastes so good!
–Gardner Hall