Guy: How did you find your sources?

Girl: I sucked Wikipedia’s dick.

-New Rez Caf

Girl 1: Oh my god. Like, there aren’t enough veggie choices in the caf. I think I’m just going to get pizza again.
Girl 2: OH, SO YOU’RE ONE OF THOSE VEGETARIANS!
Girl 1 looks confused
Girl 2: You don’t eat chicken but you’ll eat tomato sauce!
Girl 1 stares in confusion and awe

-New Rez

Girl: Wait, wait.. What’s your name?
Guy: It rhymes with Fran. Just take out the R and change the F.
Girl: Tyler?

-MORE house

Bro 1: If you just eat a whole chicken for breakfast, is that enough protein for the day?
Bro 2: No man, you don’t get protein from chicken, you get it from protein shakes…dumbass.

-New Rez

Girl: Man, I was so upset when I got my period this morning! I was looking forward to having a month off and just getting an abortion in a couple of weeks. Seriously, sometimes life just isn’t fair.

-Molson Hall

Girl 1: Ron Paul? Isn’t he a porn star?
Girl 2: Nope, that’s Ron Jeremy.
- Outside of New Rez

Girl 1: Yeah, he is really cute but he lives in Solin and thats far.
Girl 2:  Yeah totally. Long distance relationships are way too hard.

—New Rez Caf

Girl 1: the only thing I don’t like about living out of rez is that I have to do dishes all the time
Guy 1: Whatever. I usually just lick stuff clean.

–Arts building

(observing two students with improvised clubs and shields)
Floor Fellow:Hey, what are you guys up to?
Student 1: Fight club
Floor Fellow:Oh…alright. Good luck to both of you then. (moves to exit)
Student 2: If I bleed, I’ll call you.

—Upper Rez

Girl 1: So wait your boyfriend is from Mexico and he doesn’t speak English?
Girl 2: Yeah.
Girl 1: So do you speak Mexican?
Guy 1: (amid eruptions of laughter in the group) You are aware that Mexican is a nationality and not a language, right?

—Upper Rez