Guy: Every time they make salmon I just want to yell, “smells like slut in here!”
-BMH

Girl1: So now I’m wondering if I’m pregnant, or just getting fat…
Girl2: Oh my god, I hope you’re pregnant, at least then you can get an abortion!
- BMH

Bimbette: I hate hair. I just wish people didn’t have any hair…it just gets in the way.
Guy: Well there’s a disease, alopecia,where you have no hair.
Bimbette: That would be amazing!
Guy: No, you don’t even have eye lashes or eye brows.
Bimbette: Eewww!!! I would scream if I saw someone with alopecia!!!

- BMH

Girl 1: Can you guys believe that John dated me before I even blossomed?! (sincere puzzled look)

Girl 2: No, oh my God… you’re so lucky (looks with envy)

-BMH caf line

Guy 1: I heard that Carrottop is really buff now, like really huge.
Guy 2: He should start giving out random bear hugs.
Girl: Wouldn’t it be funny if movie stars just started grabbing people and yelling out the names of movies they’ve been in?
Guy 1: (Screaming and hugging himself) ”CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD! CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD!”

-BMH Caf

Girl to her friend: I mean, I looked down at my underwear and I was like, ‘Toxic stuff really shouldn’t be down there.’
—BMH

Girl 1: Is Cuba part of North America?
Girl 2: Do they speak Spanish in Cuba?
Girl 1: Yes.
Girl 2: Then no. Cuba is not part of North America.
Guy: What about Mexico. They speak Spanish in Mexico.
Girl 2: Mexicans are illegal.

—BMH

Girl 1: Lately, it feels like I’m on fire when I have sex.
Girl 2: That’s what happened when I had gonorrhoea.
Guy (at next table over): Wow, those girls were pretty hot before I heard that… I have to stop eavesdropping.

—BMH

Guy: Hey so how was you night last night.
Girl: Well I went to Lodge, it was great.
Guy: Really? Earlier in the day you were all stressed because you had an essay due, and you kept going on how you were gonna for sure do it last night.
Girl: Ya that made it even harder to go. But, really it was easy to justify. I mean my parents paid so I could get an education, not just a book education, but an education.
(Guy is a bit perplexed)
Guy: But, still…you’re gonna fail your essay.

—BMH

Guy: You guys have mounted police? They go around on horses? That is sooo “Age of Empires”!

—BMH