Girl: That’s what my skill is when I’m drunk – flushing toilets

- Burnside

Girl: [to two guys] I actually thought you two would be Asian, you know, because I heard you were really smart…

-Leacock

Girl: Food, when you’re high, is like porn. It’s just sooo good.

-New Rez Caf

Girl 1: Chances of winning the Tim Hortons free coffee are 1 out of 10
Girl 2: No, my sister said even if you buy 10 you might not win

- SSMU Lounge

Girl 1: Hey, your bag is open.
Girl 2: It’s always open, just like my legs.

- Leacock

*Drunk girl cracks open a beer*

Sober girl: I don’t think that’s a good idea.
Drunk girl: I’m fine! Ask me anything!
Sober girl: Ok. What does Serotonin do?
Drunk girl: Sero-tonin?
Sober girl: See, you’re drunk!
Drunk girl: But…Sarah Tonin! I don’t know who she is!

-New Rez

Guy: How did you find your sources?

Girl: I sucked Wikipedia’s dick.

-New Rez Caf

Guy: Dude, of course she’s going to go down all the way. She’s an engineer.

- Leacock

H.S. Girl: So, how do I know if I should go to graduate studies or undergraduate studies?
Tour Guide: You have to do an undergraduate degree before going on to graduate studies.
H.S. Girl: Okay, so how do I find out if I’ve done one?

–McGill Campus Tour

Girl 1: Can you be gay if you’ve never had sex with anyone?
Girl 2: I don’t know…do you feel gay when you masturbate?

–Shatner