“It’s in the Caribbean! Get a geography book! (pause) Also known as an atlas. (pause) Maybe I need to get myself an English book.”

—Leacock elevator

Guy: “If my plane blew up on the way to Ireland, I would be really upset. If it blew up on the way back, I’d be OK.”

—stewart bio

Prof: So which country do you think has the highest suicide rate?
Guy: um, the Netherlands… like Norway and stuff

—abnormal psych

Guy 1: See this is why being colour blind sucks. I can’t tell the difference between the colours of the countries on this map!
Guy 2: Which countries?
Guy 1: These three… and these three…
Guy 2: They’re all the same colour. Dark green.