Prof: ..for example, some damselfish populations have only one male. And if the male gets killed, one of the females will transform into a male within hours.
Student: How do you figure out gender on the reef?
Prof: We can tell because all of a sudden they stop asking for directions.
- Stewart

3 guys wearing mcgill sweatshirts, presumably roommates, are waiting in line at the registers and are impatiently wondering where the 4th guy is…
Guy 1: where is he?
Guy 2: i know, how long does it take to get cans of the soda he wanted?
(guy 4 returns, empty handed and dejected)
Guy 3: what happened? you couldn’t find them?
guy 4 shakes his head no…
Guy 3: alright, i’ll go help you
(a good 10 minutes pass…they were now at the register and the clerk is ringing up their order and still no sign of guy 3 or guy 4)
Guy 2 to guy 1: wow, remind me never to go shopping here again with both of them
Guy 1: yeah, i know
- Metro on Parc during first week of finals

(A fat Asian guy with red dyed hair walks by)
Really White Guy: Dude! That guys looks just like Hiro, you know from Heroes!
Friend: Are you an idiot that guy looked nothing like him. Man can’t you tell Asian guys apart.
White Guy: Of Course I can! Clearly you’re not a fan of the show.
- Outside Otto Maass near the garden.

Girl 1: Did you know there’s an underground tunnel connecting Leacock and Redpath?
Girl 2: Really?! I wish there was a tunnel connecting Leacock and Stewart Bio… I mean, it wouldn’t be that hard to do, would it?

-Corner of Peel and Dr. Penfield

(Guy taking a shit, yelling to friend outside bathroom)

Guy: Man, I can’t wait to take a shit in a bathroom I can actually fit in.
-Rue Ste-Famille

Girl 1: Hey girls, I went back for reading week and so much happaned. Remember my friend Danielle? Apparently her father died.
Girl 2: uh huh…
Girl 1: And remember my friend Dan? I called his house and his mother said he killed himself last week.
Girl 2: okay…
Girl 1: And look at my hair. My hairdresser ruined it!
Girl 2: OH MY GOD, that is tragic!
- ANTH 209 lecture

Dorky Kid playing the tennis game on the Nintendo Wii and beating all challengers.
Dorky Kid: Oh man, I can’t wait till the Nintendo people come up with the Wii-jerking-off-game.
Other Guy playing Wii tennis against him: Dude, thats gross.
Dorky Guy: Man, C’mon…you cannot tell me you haven’t fantasized about it.
Other Guy: I fantasize about Angeline Jolie.
Dorky Guy: You’re such a loser…
—Computer Science Party, Durocher

Two girls are meeting on the corner of Milton and Lorne.

Girl #1: What took so long?
Girl #2: We were so close to getting the squirrel, you have no idea…

—Milton and Lorne

Girl 1: No, dude, I never knew New Jersey was in New York!
Girl 2: Yeah… I didn’t even know New Jersey was a city!!!

—Stanley and St. Caths