(Talking about where to buy The Economist”)
Girl 1: But, like, isn’t it an important magazine?
Girl 2: Yeah, it is.
Girl 3: Like the Wall Street Journal.
Girl 2: It, like, deals with important…
Girl 1 (interrupting): Does my computer background look too busy?
—McGill bookstore caf�

*waiter is serving customers coffee*
Stoned at Breakfast 1: Dude, you realize I’m gonna have to pee like St. Nicholas when this coffee’s done.
Stoned at Breakfast 2: Saint Nicholas! As in, Santa Claus?
Stoned at Breakfast 1: The one and only.
—Place Milton

(Girl 1 is tossing an orange, and drops it)

Girl 2: I hope that’s bruised now.
Girl 1: Banana’s don’t bruise!
(silence)
Girl 2: That’s an ORANGE!

—New Rez Elevator

Drunk Girl: I’ll give you all AIDS!!! MOTHER FUCKING HIV!!!

—Lodge

(Sorority girls discussing where they went on their spring breaks)
Smart Sorority Girl #1: “But, I thought Mexico was a part of the Dominican…”
(blank stares from the rest)
Smart Sorority Girl #2: “Me too…”

—St. Laurent

Girl 1: Yeah, and that’s why we aren’t all drugged out
Drunk Girl 2: Yeah…C-O-C-K
Girl 1: (giggles)
Drunk Girl 2:…yep, thats why we aren’t coked out
Girl 1: …what?
Drunk Girl 2: Coke. C-O-C-K! Coke!

—RVC

Girl 1: So what’s your last name?
Girl 2: Ghali.
Girl 1: What?
Girl 2: You know…like Boutros-Boutros.
Girl 1: Never heard of it.

—Leacock

“I would sacrifice a million asians for $10 Sushi.”

—AUS Office

Guy: Hey so how was you night last night.
Girl: Well I went to Lodge, it was great.
Guy: Really? Earlier in the day you were all stressed because you had an essay due, and you kept going on how you were gonna for sure do it last night.
Girl: Ya that made it even harder to go. But, really it was easy to justify. I mean my parents paid so I could get an education, not just a book education, but an education.
(Guy is a bit perplexed)
Guy: But, still…you’re gonna fail your essay.

—BMH

Girl 1: Ugh, I got 2/8 on my last bio quiz
Girl 2: Oh, well at least that’s a solid 20 percent!
(pause)
Girl 1: Don’t you mean 25 percent?
Girl 2: ..fuck, this is why I’m failing calculus!

—Milton Gates