“Man, I want a big fat fucking drink. Fatter than a fat fucking woman.”

—Red and White Graduation Ball

(A prof criticizing a student’s paper because the thesis is not made explicit enough.)
Prof: Your paper is doing some heavy petting, but it’s not going all the way!

—HIST 551: Ancient History Seminar

Girl 1: No, dude, I never knew New Jersey was in New York!
Girl 2: Yeah… I didn’t even know New Jersey was a city!!!

—Stanley and St. Caths

Girl: Boys are so obsessed with cars, like if you put a toy car in front of a little boy he would start playing with it in 30 seconds
Boy: 30 seconds? I would start playing with it right away..
Girl: Yeah…well I’m including special ed kids

—Douglas