Prof: You probably don’t want an anvil dropped on your toe… unless you’re a masochist. Then you have other problems.
- PHIL 343 Biomedical Ethics

Guy on phone: There was no intention of rape…
(Pause)
Guy on phone: There was no intention of rape.
- Milton

Dude on the phone: Yeah man, hell yeah, I brought back Guiness. [...] You know the Land Before Time? Ireland’s like that.
- Milton and Aylmer

Guy (to friend): I woke up this morning, and do you know what Frank was doing? Shitting on my books!
- In front of McConnell Engineering

Girl: All these sexual drinks…blowjob…orgasm…slippery nipple…they should have a drink called the Yeast Infection…….and the chaser would be Canesten…
- Peel Pub

Rich blonde whore: Even when you’re so happy ’cause you just slept with someone, you still go and screw them over and fuck someone else.
Rich brunette whore: Yeah, some people are like that.
- Outside Leacock 132, before Natural Disasters

Accounting professor: Ok take out your calculators, cuz I’m not very good at calculating things
- MGCR211 Intro to Financial Accounting

Girl: Oh God, I thought that girl had a speech impediment, but she’s actually just speaking French…
- Milton Gates

Girl: Last night, Bush said that 5,000 soldiers would be sent home from Iraq by the end of the year.
Guy: Alive?
- arts lounge

Gentile girl: So wait how do you say ‘happy new year’ in Hebrew again?
Jewish girl: Shana Tova!
Gentile girl: Okay, Shana Tova then…. wait, I feel like we need some sort of ball-dropping or something.
Jewish girl: What, you mean like adolescent boys?!
- Lorne