Student 1: (looks at paper) Wait, so what is this? Egyptian?
Student 2: No, actually that’s math…

–Trottier

Girl 1: Shit, I don’t know what to order! The whole menu is in French!

Girl 2: Uh, no. Duh, it’s in Spanish. French doesn’t use the letter “m.”

-St. Laurent

Girl 1: This water bottle is making my backpack soooo heavy!

Girl 2: Ohhh is it one of those “Save the poor people in Africa” water bottles?

Girl 1: No, it’s just a Montclair.

-Starbucks

Girl talking with her friend

Girl: I can’t even flirt my way to a B+ on this test.

–Leacock

Girl: I was giving him head, and I’m like “Umm…you’re 31, that’s so old.” Then he goes, “You think I’m old? I really thought we connected.” Then I said, “No I don’t think so, you’re freaking me out.” Then I told him he had to leave. He didn’t though. He slept over.
-Durocher

Girl 1: Eating someone’s brains after they die is thoughtful?!
Girl 2: So they can live on through you!
Girl 3: Through what, your shit?!

- McTavish

Girl: Ever since I started making an effort to look good for school, I’ve felt so good about myself. Now, people are calling me! (pause) For sex.

-Sherbrooke and McGill College

Girl 1: Oh my god. Like, there aren’t enough veggie choices in the caf. I think I’m just going to get pizza again.
Girl 2: OH, SO YOU’RE ONE OF THOSE VEGETARIANS!
Girl 1 looks confused
Girl 2: You don’t eat chicken but you’ll eat tomato sauce!
Girl 1 stares in confusion and awe

-New Rez

Chinese girl: I’m black in South Africa. There’s a new by-law.

-Burnside

A slide with a picture of Robert Mugabe is shown.

Guest lecturer: You guys have seen that t-shirt that says “Guns don’t kill people, mustaches kill people”. Yeah, that’s pretty much it. So many bad people throughout history have had horrible mustaches! Hitler, Stalin, Mugabe… all had mustaches!

Class laughs.

Guest lecturer: No, really, mustache aside, he really is a murderer and a bad person.

-POLI 324