Girl: Wait, wait.. What’s your name?
Guy: It rhymes with Fran. Just take out the R and change the F.
Girl: Tyler?

-MORE house

Two girls in a New Rez elevator; one is crying:

Girl #1: Are you OK? You should lie down. It feels better to cry in your own bed.
Girl #2: (Sobbing) No, I won’t be able to sleep tonight…
Girl #1: OK. Well, do you want me to start up “The Sims”?
Girl #2: …yeah.

–New Rez

Guy approaches a friend using the self-checkout in McLennan

Guy 1: What is this thing?
Friend: It’s how you check out books from the library.
Guy 1 (proudly): Oh, well I’ve managed to get through my entire undergrad without ever using the library!

-McLennan Library

Bro 1: If you just eat a whole chicken for breakfast, is that enough protein for the day?
Bro 2: No man, you don’t get protein from chicken, you get it from protein shakes…dumbass.

-New Rez

Professor: My computer always crashes. I have a dual core. Not sure where the other one is; I paid for two, though.

-Leacock auditorium, CHEM 212

Girl: Don’t have sex on the couch!
Guy: Why not? You can have sex on the couch, I don’t mind.
Girl: Mhh, you wouldn’t like that. I’m a fountain.

-Aylmer

Three girls are talking in an elevator about their engineering courses.

Other Girl: Wait, you three are in Engineering? But you’re all hot!

-Schulich Library

Girl: When is your birthday?
Guy: June.
Girl: This June?

-Milton and Parc

A group of guys were talking while walking to class

Guy: “So on one side there was a pussy, and on the other side it had a grizzly bear standing up.”

- McGill Ghetto

Guy: If you’re crap at SML, then I’m period blood at SML.

-Trottier