Girl: 7 Kids out of 1000? Jeez What percentage is that?

-Leacock Auditorium

Professor: What population has a high rate of myopia?
Student: Nerds?

-Leacock

(Ed Note: Tasteless rape-related quote has been moved under the fold; more objectionable than usual.) (more…)

Girl 1: Hey do you want to revise for chem tomorrow?
Girl 2: I can’t, I’m going to the procastination workshop at 2.

-Leacock

Girl: I’m SICK of global warming! The sun keeps going down earlier and earlier!!!

-Upper Rez

Guy #1: So how are you going to get citizenship in both England and Canada?
Guy #2: I told you, I’m getting dual citizenship. It’s pretty normal.
Guy #1: OHHH. I thought you said jewel citizenship, like some weird British thing.

-Schulich Library

Girl on the phone: So I figured it out. I thought I had swine flu because I had all the symptoms, including the nausea. But now I think it was just a hangover.

-Metro Grocery Store