[guy and girl making out against the wall at Biftek]

Guy: I’ve been lying to you, my name isn’t really John…
Incredibly drunk girl hanging on him: It’s ok, i forgot what your name was anyway…
(pause, then they continue making out)

Guy #1 to Guy #2: Did you just lick me, man?
–in line for Peel Pub

Part One:
Drunk Male: I’m a fucking retard! Not retard as in “this is a safe zone” but retard as in “I’m missing a fucking Y chromosome.” If you were in science you’d understand…wait, what?
–Gardner Hall

Part Two:
Drunk Girl: I’m a prophet, and prophets don’t drink
–Gardner Hall

Part Three:
Drunk Male: Greece, the country. I has lots of island. 5 letters. G-R-E-E-K. Fuck! Shit! No, 7 letters. G-R-E-E-C…FUCK!
–Gardner Hall

Part Four:
Drunk Male: I am too drunk to taste my Gatorade, but it tastes so good!
–Gardner Hall

(talking about exam on Friday)
Professor: “So don’t go drinking thursday night. There’s a beer and pizza Friday. 5:00 we’re getting smashed.”

-Financial Accounting

Guy: I don’t think seven years of bad sex would be that bad…after all, you could still drink, right?

–Upper Rez

[Spanish prof, trying to create a discussion on how to give suggestions in Spanish.]

Prof: So, why wouldn’t you accept a drink from a stranger at a party?
Girl: Porque es muy sketchy!

–Intermediate Spanish

Girl #1: Are you okay, hon?
Female voice from inside bathroom stall: I don’t know. Is it normal if it’s purple?
–Bathroom at 4Floors

Girl 1: “Montreal is sooooo great, the boys are so cute and you can getting wasted is sooooo cheap!”
Girl 2: “What do you study?”
Girl 1: “Biology, when i’m not at Biftek.”

—80 Bus, on Parc

Ambulance Driver: “Are you sure you want to go to the hospital with her? It’s only midnight–I’m sure you could hook up with someone else tonight.”

Guy1: Wow, remember that night. John funneled so many beers.
Guy2: Man, I was at this party a few months ago and this guy was funneling, but then somebody threw in two shots of vodka on the top. He was making out with porcelain all night.
Guy1: *laughs*…Who’s Porcelain?

—-Parc and Prince Arthur