Professor: Now, if only I were teaching at HARVARD…
Class: OOHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Professor: No-n-No! I meant it for the MONEY!
- Leacock 132

Guy 1: I heard that Carrottop is really buff now, like really huge.
Guy 2: He should start giving out random bear hugs.
Girl: Wouldn’t it be funny if movie stars just started grabbing people and yelling out the names of movies they’ve been in?
Guy 1: (Screaming and hugging himself) ”CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD! CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD!”

-BMH Caf

Professor: You’d have to rely on all the books published in Mississippi, which rounded down is zero
- Class

“I know everyone claims to be anti-American, but I mean, if you want to be screwed, you’d rather be screwed by the Americans than the Europeans – at least, the Americans will pay your cab fare home.”

—International Business class in Bronfman

A bunch of American high-school students trying really hard to seem Quebec-legal having lunch
Student 1: Oh my God! You got a salad! That’s health food!
Student 2: It’s okay. We still love you.
Student 3: Oh my God! Salad!?! That’s so gay!

—Cafe Veranda

American Girl 1: “OMG I just had the BEST idea!”
American Girl 2 stares blankly.
American Girl 1: “You know how like we can’t like get jobs but we still like want money…”
American Girl 2: “Yeah.”
American Girl 1 (so excited she’s about to burst): “We should sell our EGGS!!!”

—American Lit. 226 (Fall 2005 hence the job comment)

Drunk guys walking down st laurent talking about british accents
Guy: How come girls don’t like American accents?
Friends: No, they do, they do!
Guy: No they don’t, they think they’re fucking like…American.

—st. laurent

Girl 1: No, dude, I never knew New Jersey was in New York!
Girl 2: Yeah… I didn’t even know New Jersey was a city!!!

—Stanley and St. Caths

(The prof had spent the entire class talking about Frantz Fanon, the Algerian writer who advocated the violent overthrow of colonial France)

Girl: Um, was Fanon American?
Prof: What?
Girl: Like, was he…American? Like, African-American?
Prof: You mean… was he black?
Girl: Yeah.
Prof: … Yes.

—Poli 231