Guy in line: C’mon! Milk me like you know you want to!

—BMH

[Two guys are standing behind the counter serving food]
Server Guy 1: By the way, you know that study I was going to be part of? Turns out I’m ineligible.
Server Guy 2: Why?
Server Guy 1: I tested positive for Tuberculosis.
[people in line start to look uncomfortable]
Server Guy 1: Oh, don’t worry…that was a while ago.—BMH

Girl: So, my boyfriend used to go to a private school and I used to–
Guy 1: (interrupting): Oh my god your boyfriend went to a boarding school! That’s just like that movie .
Guy 2: What movie.
Guy 1: Catcher in the Rye
Guy 2: That’s a book.
Guy 1: Oh ya…

—BMH

Guy: I wonder where the next world cup is
Girl: I think it’s going to be in Berlin
Guy: Isn’t that where it was this year?
Girl: No it was in Germany
—BMH

Girl: I think the next World Cup is going to be in Germany
Guy: Wasn’t the last one in Germany?
Girl: No, it was in Berlin
—BMH

(Ed note: Back on Dec 21st, we received this first quote and thought it was pretty good, but it fell on the backburner. Today, we received the latter quote, from the same submitter, and it looked pretty familiar, though not if you look closely. Funny how time alters memory…)

Guy 1: If I was in jail, I probably would get put to work a lot.
Guy 2: No. If you were in jail you would just lift weights and convert to Islam.

–Upper Rez /BMH

[A large group of friends eating lunch.]
Girl 1: So what happened?
Girl 2: I don’t want to talk about it, ok? He sent me a facebook message, it’s over.

–BMH Caf

Upper Rez Girl: Yeah, we don’t have a meal plan on weekends. So I just don’t eat.
New Rez Girl: Whoa, that would be AWFUL…like doing the 30-hour famine EVERY WEEKEND!
Upper Rez Girl: Um…there are 48 hours in two days.
New Rez Girl: [looks away awkwardly]

–Phi Kappa Pi Frat House

Girl: Whenever I’m snowboarding I always forget to blink.
–BMH

Girl: Yeah I love my roommate, she’s–
Guy: Yeah–
Girl: great, but, I need my space. Like, stop doing coke off my desk…

On University Ave, toward Upper Rez

Guy: Let’s have sex.
Girl: Are you sure? I’m a necrophiliac, so if we were to have sex, I’d literally have to kill you first.
Guy: Well, I’ve got a severe case of rigor mortis in my pants right now.

—In the caf