Girl 1: Eating someone’s brains after they die is thoughtful?!
Girl 2: So they can live on through you!
Girl 3: Through what, your shit?!

- McTavish

Chinese girl: I’m black in South Africa. There’s a new by-law.

-Burnside

A slide with a picture of Robert Mugabe is shown.

Guest lecturer: You guys have seen that t-shirt that says “Guns don’t kill people, mustaches kill people”. Yeah, that’s pretty much it. So many bad people throughout history have had horrible mustaches! Hitler, Stalin, Mugabe… all had mustaches!

Class laughs.

Guest lecturer: No, really, mustache aside, he really is a murderer and a bad person.

-POLI 324

Guy approaches a friend using the self-checkout in McLennan

Guy 1: What is this thing?
Friend: It’s how you check out books from the library.
Guy 1 (proudly): Oh, well I’ve managed to get through my entire undergrad without ever using the library!

-McLennan Library

Professor: My computer always crashes. I have a dual core. Not sure where the other one is; I paid for two, though.

-Leacock auditorium, CHEM 212

Three girls are talking in an elevator about their engineering courses.

Other Girl: Wait, you three are in Engineering? But you’re all hot!

-Schulich Library

Guy: If you’re crap at SML, then I’m period blood at SML.

-Trottier

Professor: The age of consent varies with age and level of authority, so a professor cannot legally have sex with a student who is 17… So, please take out your driver’s licenses.

-Jewish Studies Building

Girl: Man, I was so upset when I got my period this morning! I was looking forward to having a month off and just getting an abortion in a couple of weeks. Seriously, sometimes life just isn’t fair.

-Molson Hall

“The Brown Student Services Building??.. What? Where do the white people go?”

-McTavish Gates