Girl (on phone): She did what?! With whom? And she hasn’t been to confession in HOW LONG!? Oh my god, she is SO on the express route to hell!

—Lorne

Girl (on cellphone): My life totally sucks right now. I went to an intellectual conference and people were saying smart things and I was asking myself ‘Why can’t I say things like that?’ And I’ve forgotten all essay-writing skills I learned in high school. Ugh, I am like totally ESL right now. Like, what am I doing with my life? I’m not getting into law school, I’m not going to get a position at the UN…. UGH!! I might as well get married to a rich Arabian prince!
- Elevator, apt. on du Parc

Girl (on cell phone): “You can’t marry him, he’s a crack dealer!”

—McLennan Library

Guy (on the phone): “So can I come over? I really wanna see you…Is mono contagious?”
Girl (nearby): *glares at guy*
Guy: “Shit, now some crazy girl is staring at me.”
Girl: *stares incredulously at guy*
Guy (to girl): “That’s right! I see you!”

—McIntyre