Prof: Do you know what would happen if you said this stuff about the free market to a room full of 50 year-old conservative men? (pause) they’d throw up! Instantly! And all over the place!
Student: And on each other!
Prof: AND ON EACH OTHER!
—Islamic Studies 383

Professor: “So, you may be wondering why you have to learn this. Well, I’ll tell you: if someone were to say “find the synapses… OR I”LL KILL YOU“… or something… then you’d be able to.”

—Physiology 209

American Student: Why do they call it “zed” instead of “zee” in Canada, that doesn’t rhyme in the alphabet song.
Professor: Well, unlike Americans, we don’t need a song to remember the alphabet.
- Burnside, Econ 230

Prof: “And of course, Kirk’s by-line is ‘to boldly go…um…somewhere.’”

—General Chemistry

[Prof puts on recording of medieval music]

Musical genius 1: “The sound quality is terrible!”
Musical genius 2: “It’s because they didn’t have very advanced recording equipment in the Middle Ages.”

—Art of Listening, Adams Auditorium 

[Girl leaving class halfway through, as she is passing the Prof]

Girl (to Prof) “I’m not leaving.”

 –Education

Prof.: So Brian Mulroney used to sing and dance for the American bosses as a child in Baie-Comeau and when he became Prime Minister he never really stopped.
Class: nervous laughter

Canadian Nationalisms Class

Professor (in Chinese): What will you do over Christmas?
Girl (in Chinese): I will go home.
Professor (in Chinese): What will you do at home?
Girl (Blurts out in English): Party hard and drink a lot.
Professor (in Chinese): Ah. Are you from Toronto?

–EAST 230

 ”Voltaire was totally, like, the Jon Stewart of the eighteenth century.”

 —At the French and English Center

Professor: Many of the fears over communism were exaggerated. Communists did NOT eat children! Cross my heart!

—POLI 211 Leacock 132