Student: Is it true that a McGill professor is working on a bunker-busting bomb?
Professor: Yes, because we have learned that Concordia is up to something in their bunkers
(Class: slight laughter )
Professor: Yes, that is where they are training them to deliver pizza.
(Class: loud laughter and applause)

—POLI 227 (Intro. to Developing Areas), Leacock 132

Girl 1: I just don’t think I can ever be fully monogamous.
Girl 2: What does your boyfriend think about that?
Girl 1: Which one?
- Lower Campus

Guy: Yeah, I hate fighting with my roommate. He’s American, it makes him really aggressive.

—Redpath cafeteria

Guy 1: She said she still has her V-Card, but she’s given head to over 20 different guys!
Guy 2: Well, technically she’s a virgin.
Guy 1: No, technically she’s a slut.

—-Burnside Basement

American Student: Why do they call it “zed” instead of “zee” in Canada, that doesn’t rhyme in the alphabet song.
Professor: Well, unlike Americans, we don’t need a song to remember the alphabet.
- Burnside, Econ 230

Girl on cell: “So we basically decided it was when you cut off someone’s balls and shove them up his ass.
[Listens]
……Yeah, ok. Bye, Dad, I love you!”
–McGill Ghetto

Ed Note: We got the same quote, from three different submitter, recalled in three different ways. It’s Overheard At McGill’s game of telephone. Each version recalls the exchange differently.

Version 1:
English major fails to comprehend angelology
(In ENGL 202, pur hero [the professor] explains that according to Paradise Lost, angels could have more pleasurable sex than mortals. He also explains that angels were exclusively depicted as males at the time…)
Girl: Who did the angels have sex with?
Ken Borris: Each other.
Girl: EW!

Version 2:
paradise lost?
guy: so they were having gay angel sex?
—-in eng. 202, filled with english majors or minors at 8:30 am

Version 3:
English Lecture on Paradise lost-

Guy- So they all have gay angel sex?
Prof- Uh.. Yeah!
Prejudiced annoying girl who always makes obnoxious comments: EWW!!

[Two 11-year-olds on the 80 bus passing New Rez where two rainbow flags are hanging down]

Kid 1: What’s that flag?
Kid 2: It’s the Outgames flag.
Kid 1: No, the one with the 6 different colours.
Kid 2. Oh. I think that might be the McGill flag.

Ambulance Driver: “Are you sure you want to go to the hospital with her? It’s only midnight–I’m sure you could hook up with someone else tonight.”

“Everybody down! I’m hijacking the elevator!!”

…[awkward minute of silence]…

–McConnell Engineering Elevator