(upon leaving the RVC cafeteria)
Girl 1: I want to be a Mormon!
Girl 2: I DON’T.
- RVC cafeteria

(Ed Note: We think the submitter probably meant Mitt Romney, but it’s funnier this way.)

Prof: Jesus was a very common name… There were millions of Jesuses… In fact, there was one hanging from every second cross.
- Religious Studies Class

Girl (in showy clothing) on phone: I was out a date with this guy last night. He leaned in to kiss me and I totally dodged it. I mean, I’m 19 now, so I guess it would be ok….but I still want a priest to pre-approve it.
—FDA Lobby

Prof: Class is dismissed.
Student: I have an urgent question. Who *really* killed Jesus? I know it wasn’t the Romans.
Prof: No, it was the Romans.
- RELG 210

Gentile girl: So wait how do you say ‘happy new year’ in Hebrew again?
Jewish girl: Shana Tova!
Gentile girl: Okay, Shana Tova then…. wait, I feel like we need some sort of ball-dropping or something.
Jewish girl: What, you mean like adolescent boys?!
- Lorne

Girl 1: I want to be your baby’s godmother!
Girl 2: I’m Jewish…We don’t have godparents!*
Girl 1: Then I’ll be its…Mosesmother!?
- Sherbrooke

(*Jewnote: Jews do in fact have godparents.)

White guy number 1: Yea, so i got gonorrhea.
White guy number 2: What, you got gonorrhea?
White guy number 1: Yea, but it’s no big deal, everyone gets it.
White guy number 2: I’ve never gotten it.
White guy number 1: Actually neither have I, but all my friends have. They just took 3 pills and it was done.
White guy number 2: I can’t take pills, it’s against my religion.
White guy number 1: what religion is that?
White guy number 2: Rastafari!
- Biftek, St-Laurent

ditzy girl: …and then she said that she had a component face!
guy: what??
ditzy girl: You know, like, in science and stuff.
guy: huh?
ditzy girl (getting annoyed): You knowwww…there’s like, little things that swirl around together and make Adam.
guy: You mean Atoms?
ditzy girl: No stupid!! The Garden of Eden.
guy: The Garden of Eden is on your face???
ditzy girl (getting really annoyed): NO idiot! That’s ridiculous. (pauses) It was on HER face.
guy (really confused): What’s your major again?
ditzy girl: Some science thing. I can’t remember
guy: I thought you were taking History?
ditzy girl: Duh!! You are so stupid sometimes. History IS science
guy: (silent)
ditzy girl: I don’t even know why I even bother with you sometimes. How did you get into McGill???
- Outside the McGill bookstore

Guy: Dude, if he was Jesus, he would totally get up and open the door.
– Burnside Basement

Jew #1: The library is closed on Good Friday
Jew #2: Why?
Jew #1: Because Jesus died or something
Aggravated blonde Christian girl explains the story of Easter
Jew #2: So… isn’t it a coincidence that Jesus died at the end of Lent? What did he give up? Water or something?

—Redpath