Girl: Is it in class?
Prof: Is what in class?
Girl: The in-class test.
- RELG 207

Stoned Guy: Do you have anything with, like, protein or cheese in it?
Stoned Girl: YOU’RE EATING JEWS???!!
Stoned Guy: Cheese! Not Jews, cheese!

—Rue Ste-Famille

TA: Does everyone understand where I got this  equation? Do you want to see how it’s derived?
Class (different voices): Yes please… No no keep going..
TA: Ok well I have a bunch of people here that want me to derive it and the people on this side don’t.. (confused)
Student: Just derive half of it.

—Mech 412

[room of people celebrating Hannukah, girl walks in]
girl (to friend lighting candles and singing the prayers): oh my god youre soo cool! do you speak, like, Arabic?!
[awkward silence ensues...]

–Gardner Hall

Guy 1: If I was in jail, I probably would get put to work a lot.
Guy 2: No. If you were in jail you would just lift weights and convert to Islam.

–Upper Rez /BMH

Girl: …. Ummm…. Hand down my pants!?
Guy: …. It might have SEEMED like I put my hand down your pants, but what really happened, see, was that I slipped and my hand got stuck, and all that wiggling around was me trying to get my hand out.
Girl: Uh-hunh. I totally believe that
Guy: No, really. Because Jesus frowns on that sort of thing before marriage. I was like “I’m sorry Jesus, I’m trying!!!”

girl: my friend is so like religious…one time in the car the gas light was beeping and they were praying to god that they would make it there.

—New Rez

Girl 1: Mmm I could go for some prosciutto
Girl 2: I don’t eat prosciutto, I’m Jewish
Girl 1: Cheese isn’t kosher?
Girl 2: Prosciutto is made from pig!
Girl 1: Are you sure? You better Wikipedia it.

—New Rez

Girl #1: So, I don’t believe that Jesus was the son of God.
Girl #2: So you’re Jewish….?
Girl #1:…um, no.
Girl #2: Yes!

 –on Campus

Kid 1: “Why, do Jews play chess particularily fast or something?”
Kid 2: “Of course. Time is money”

–Off Campus Coffee Shop