Upper Rez Girl: Yeah, we don’t have a meal plan on weekends. So I just don’t eat.
New Rez Girl: Whoa, that would be AWFUL…like doing the 30-hour famine EVERY WEEKEND!
Upper Rez Girl: Um…there are 48 hours in two days.
New Rez Girl: [looks away awkwardly]

–Phi Kappa Pi Frat House

girl: I thought that hermaphrodites were something made up by the media…like amnesia.

—New Rez

girl #1: omg, i hate periods! periods ruin lives!!
girl #2: no, earthquakes ruin lives
…*silence*….
–New Rez

Girl: Yeah I love my roommate, she’s–
Guy: Yeah–
Girl: great, but, I need my space. Like, stop doing coke off my desk…

On University Ave, toward Upper Rez

Part One:
Drunk Male: I’m a fucking retard! Not retard as in “this is a safe zone” but retard as in “I’m missing a fucking Y chromosome.” If you were in science you’d understand…wait, what?
–Gardner Hall

Part Two:
Drunk Girl: I’m a prophet, and prophets don’t drink
–Gardner Hall

Part Three:
Drunk Male: Greece, the country. I has lots of island. 5 letters. G-R-E-E-K. Fuck! Shit! No, 7 letters. G-R-E-E-C…FUCK!
–Gardner Hall

Part Four:
Drunk Male: I am too drunk to taste my Gatorade, but it tastes so good!
–Gardner Hall

Guy: I don’t think seven years of bad sex would be that bad…after all, you could still drink, right?

–Upper Rez

[Two guys standing by the stove, one with a pizza box]
Guy 1: “You might want to take that out of the box.”
Guy 2: “Why?”
Guy 1: “Um…it’ll catch on fire.”
Guy 2: “Really??”
Guy 1: “Yeah, it’s actually pretty cool to watch…but then your pizza gets ruined.”

–Rez Kitchen

(in regards to intruders in rez)
Student: “Well we could get out the baseball bats”
Porter: “Or better yet we take their tonsils out, eh?”
–Upper Rez

Heterosexual 2: You burnt my rotis!
Heterosexual 1: Well you can just suck my dick!
Heterosexual(?)2: Can I?

–Rez Kitchen

Guy 1 to Guy 2: Yea, i once had a friend with a really dirty mustache…

—Rez Hallway