Girl 1: What’s see-cut (CKUT)? Is that like the McGill channel?
Girl 2: Yeah, I think so.
Girl 1: Why does McGill need a channel? That’s so stupid.
Girl 2: Maybe it’s more of a university channel.
Girl 1: Yeah, it says “University” on that sign.
Girl 2: That’s the street it’s on!

…Girl 1: (later) I can’t believe I’m in American Foreign Policy. I don’t know anything about it. All I know is that Bush is a Republican and he’s President.
…
Girl 1 (later): Everyone here knows so much more about American politics. (minutes pass) We know where to get a nice black cardigan, and some tights.

—AUS Lounge

(moans and groans behind locked room door, a line of guys are waiting outside to deliver high-fives)

(Door opens)
Guy leaving room: “What, we were on msn!”

—Douglas Hall

TA: Psychopaths lie convincingly, have little regard for the rules, have unrealistic ideas of their performance, are callous with regard to sex, seem reliable but never follow through…
Student: So what’s the difference between psychopaths and [...] men?
TA: Uh… well… I think some men might object.

—Abnormal Psyc

At a hookah bar
Girl 1: What flavors did we order?
Girl 2: Coconut and Cappuccino
Girl 1: If we come back, can we mix flavors? Some of these would be really good together!
Girl 2: I know! Wouldn’t it be cool if they had cinnamon!
Girl 1:…or nutmeg!
Girl 3: Oh My God! That would be like smoking Christmas!!!!

[Group stunned in silence]

Prof: Can you name a necessity?
Student: Toilet paper?
Prof: Toilet paper? Do you know why, in some countries, they shake with their right hands?
(Prof pretends to wipe his ass with his left hand)
- ECON 208

Post-Carnival Hungover Girl: Don’t you know what happened to me? I passed out in the RVC study room. I could have been raped!

(2 girls walking in the snow)
Girl 1: watch out for the frozen dog pee!
Girl 2: oh relax, i’m wearing boots… it’s not like i’m walking on my tongue!
Girl 1: WHAT?!?!
Girl 2: (stops) WHY DO I SAY THINGS LIKE THAT?!

—Hutchison

Girl 1: I can’t believe I ever liked him! He’s such a creep!
Girl 2: Oh, I know! He’s scum! Totally vile! Like… vermin!
Girl 1: Whaaaaaaaat! You can’t say that!!!
Girl 2: Why?
Girl 1: But what about Hitler!
Girl 2: Ummm yeah, what about him?
Girl 1: Well, THAT’S WHAT HE CALLED THE JEWS! VERMIN!
Girl 2: Whatever, ****** is Catholic anyway! Besides, it’s not like I’m planning a Holocaust for one!
- Architecture Library

Guy 1: Did you know that Hitler’s last surviving offspring have agreed not to have any children, so that his legacy won’t live on?
Guy 2: Well! That makes sense! I mean, could you imagine being… Fuck. What was Hitler’s last name?
-Redpath Cafeteria (X-Mas Exam Season)

T.A.: The whole semester nothing out of the ordinary happens, but during exam period everyones grandma dies.
Student: My grandma actually did die during that time.
(The class laughs.)
TA: Guys you shouldn’t be laughing its not funny. His grandmother died.
Student: Seriously…
(They all still laugh, finally both the student and TA crack up.)
Student: The fact that I’m laughing about this is so wrong

—Bio 112 Lab