Girl: So, my boyfriend used to go to a private school and I used to–
Guy 1: (interrupting): Oh my god your boyfriend went to a boarding school! That’s just like that movie .
Guy 2: What movie.
Guy 1: Catcher in the Rye
Guy 2: That’s a book.
Guy 1: Oh ya…

—BMH

Girl (to her friend): “Ugh, this coat is so tight it’s like suffocating me!”
(Bunch of drunk guys walk by)
Drunk guy: “Wooohoooo! Check out the beer belly!”
Girl: “I HATE THIS COAT!!”

—Milton

A mother meeting her daughter on the street.
Daughter: Hey you didn’t pick up my call earlier.
Mother: Sorry, I couldn’t make it to the phone on time just like your father couldn’t make it to the toilet on time.
Daughter: What do you mean mom?
Mother: Lunch didn’t go down well. There was explosive diarrhea in the car.
Girl: Oh my god!
Bystander: That’s disgusting.
- Sherbrooke and University

Girl: “Hey, how much was that eighth you bought last weekend?”
Guy: “Eighth? What’s an eighth? Is it like three-quarters?”

—Plateau

Girl 1: Oh my god, what time is it?
Girl 2: 11:10
Girl 1: Okay, so we have 40 minutes until your birthday!
Girl 2: …No, 50 minutes.
Girl 1: You know I hate math!

—Calories Cafe

(Two girls talking loudly in the back of crowded elevator.)
Girl 1: I’m so lonely, I wish I had a pet.
Girl 2: Pets are great but a lot of work you know.
Girl 1: Do you know what I’ve always wanted as a pet?
Girl 2: What?
Girl 1: A MIDGET! They are so cute! I want one!
(Girl 2 giggles, rest of elevator is dead silent.)

—Education Elevator

Guy: Are you Irish?
Girl: Yes, how’d you know?
Guy: You’re wearing a green sweater…

—Shatner

Concerned Friend: You should take it easy drinking.
Drunk Girl: I am easy!!!

—-Douglas

Girl 1: I need a boy.
Girl 2: I’ll find you a bump buddy. You can sleep with my brother if you want.

Quebecois Boy walks up to French Girl and tries to impress her.
Quebecois Boy: *says something in French*
French Girl: I can’t understand a word you’re saying with that accent.

—New Rez caf