Guy 1: Hey man, how was your birthday?
Guy 2: It was good.
Guy 1: Did you throw up?
Guy 2: Uh…yea the morning after.
Guy 1: (pumping his fist) Yes!!!!!—Durocher

Student (in Chinese): I drink beer faster than my “mei mei.”
Teacher: What were you trying to say?
Student: I drink beer faster than my grandmother.
Teacher: “Mei mei” is younger sister.
Student: Oh. That works too.

—Arts Building

Guy (walking alone, repeating to self out loud): “I will build a spaceship. Together we will rule the galactic empire!”

—Hutchison

Pretty blonde (to brunette friend): The problem with blonde jokes, is that sometimes I don’t get them.
—Durocher

Girl 1: I don’t know if I’d wake up… I don’t know…
Girl 2: Um, I think you’d wake up if your bed was on fire!
Girl 1: I don’t know…

—Abnormal Psych conference

Girl: I used to dress really “New York”, but I stopped because I started waking up hung-over all the time: less time to pick out outfits.

—Douglas Hall Pre-drink

TA: Guys, I leave the labs and I find that each time, its just not clean enough. I don’t mean to be a nag here, but I’m a bit of clean freak so you have to try..
(Class gives a mumbled yes/ya)
TA: You see as I said I myself am a clean freak. In fact, one time I was in some mall and the washroom was disgusting. So I ended up cleaning and scrubbing the whole thing down.
(Class is awkwardly silent)
—Bio 112 Lab, Stewart Bio

Hey everybody,

This coming week is reading week. Because we will be on vacation and largely unable to reach a computer, we’ve set up this coming week such that it will automatically post two quotes noon every day. We’ll be back to regular functioning on Monday, February 26. Until then, enjoy your reading/vacationing/procrastination. And keep on submitting, as we’ll be going full thrust when we return.

TA: The x’s cancel, and you see, that leaves us with 7=3.4
(pause)
TA: hmmmm…that doesn’t look right.