Management Girl (Talking to her friend in Science): You Science people think that you know everything. Just because you’re in Science doesn’t mean that you know more than me.
Science Friend: Alright, why don’t you prove it? What does the C in E = mc² stand for?
Management girl (Being completely serious): Thats too easy. THE C stands for CHAOS!!
—Gardner

(Prof has just been explaining molecular orbitals for the last half hour)
Student: Yes but what about E = mc² ?
(entire class stares in silence….)
Prof: Ok… ummm…. that has absolutely nothing to do with any of this.
—-Chem 212

[Ed Note: When one of our edtiors read these two quotes, it resulted in the following:]
(at a party)
Editor: Hey, do me a favor.
girl: Sure
Editor: What’s the e in E = mc² stand for?
Girl: (confused look) …?
Editor: E… = mc².
Girl: …?
Editor: Einstein?
Girl: What?
Editor: You just made my day, I love you.

Guy: Yeah, his supervisor died!
Girl: Poor ****….So he’s fired???

—Stewart Bio

Girl (talking to her friend on the phone): I wish I could graduate into motherhood. Why doesn’t someone just impregnate me already?

—Lower field

Girl 1: Yo, I woke up without pants on. What even happened last night?
Girl 2: You passed out on the toilet with the door wide open. We tried to put your pants back on, but you wouldn’t let us.
Girl 1: Oh thank God, I thought I had sex.

–Gardner Hall 

Girl 1: You still have our keys right?
Girl 2: I sure hope so, otherwise it means I’ve also lost my underwear.

—The Ceilidh, Mac Campus

Girl 1: Yeah, he is really cute but he lives in Solin and thats far.
Girl 2:  Yeah totally. Long distance relationships are way too hard.

—New Rez Caf

(Sitting in class while the Prof is lecturing about homosexual-targeted marketing with a slideshow on the projector. The lights are dimmed, and in the middle, a student’s cell phone begins to ring to the tune of Abba’s Dancing Queen. Everybody goes silent to hear out the song in its entirety, while the phone’s male owner doesn’t attempt to silence it.)
Prof: (once the song has stopped) “I should have answered that and taken a message on the blackboard.”

—Sexual Diversity Studies

(in a retort to a fellow drunken cohort)
Drunk guy: “…oh yeah? Well you should gag on my balls.”

—Brutopia

TA: “So following Sharon’s visit to the Temple Mount in September of 2000, the Palestinians became violent again and the Second Infitadah began. However, this time there was far more intense violence directed at Israeli soldiers and citizens, rather than just the rock throwing of the First Infitadah…This really put the Palestinian peace process into a coma…kinda like Sharon…”

—POLI 347