Girl 1: I don’t know how you can use a tampon.  I’ve never used one. Anyways, even if I did I wouldn’t know what hole to put it in.
Girl 2: (looking embarrassed) um..
Girl 1: I mean, what if i miss? Or what if it gets stuck and the string gets ripped off and it won’t come out?

–Stanley

Girl: “… but like, I don’t understand… like, what are we trying to solve here? Like, is it the-”
Prof: “Alright, I think you’ve used up your quota of ‘like’s for today!”
Girl: “But like-”
Prof: “NO! Next question.”

—McConnell Engineering 

Girl 1: Dude, don’t you just loooooove Sabbath!?
Guy 1: Yeah, I gueeeessssss Saturdays are cool…

—McIntyre Medical Building

[Music is playing loudly at a party]
Drunk Guy [taking a break from singing along]: Man, I love this song!
Relatively Sober Guy: Hips Don’t Lie? You like THIS song?
Drunk Guy: Hips Don’t Lie – what? No, this is a different song…
Drunk Guy [continues to sing along as chorus approaches]: ‘You know my hips don’t lie/ And I’m start–’ Damnit!!

—MORE House

Guy 1: I wish I was black.
Guy 2: Why’s that? It’s not the huge cock thing is it?
Guy 1: Nah man, it’s because I love seeing white men get mad and nothing gets a white man madder than seeing his daughter come home with a black dude named Tyrone.
—Campus

Prof: …and African-Americans in Africa…
—Urban American Fiction

“Actually, black people DON’T suck.”
—party in the plateau

Girl: (while watching pterodactyl porn) I don’t get it. Are they just black guys? I mean, how are their dicks pterodactyl coloured?
—RVC

Girl: So…what’s the difference between Rent-Seeking and Free-Loading?
Prof: Umm…..that’s….a good question, I don’t know how to answer that…[silence, thinking] I’ll have to think about it
Class: [laughter]
Prof: And you get an F for asking something I don’t know how to answer
Class: [more laughter]
Prof: And you all get D’s for laughing

—Burnside, Poli 345

Girl 1: My aunt was born in Virginia and her middle name is the fort where her parents met
Girl 2: I think it’d be horrible to be named after a fort…like henry
(pause)
Girl 2: Henry’s a fort, right?

—New Rez

2 guys smoking outside of the Arts building.
Another guy approaches them.
Guy 3: Can I buy I cigarette off of you guys?
One of the smoking guys: uh, sorry, we don’t smoke.
Guy 3 walks away awkwardly.

—outside of the arts building

(three girls discussing how what girls say subconsciously affects guys behavior)
Girl 1: Guys, I’m serious! There was some scientific study that proved this!
Girls 2&3: (disbelieving silence)
Girl 1: Oh yeah I remember, I read it in Cosmo!

—New Rez