Two girls are meeting on the corner of Milton and Lorne.

Girl #1: What took so long?
Girl #2: We were so close to getting the squirrel, you have no idea…

—Milton and Lorne

Girl #1 (to sunburned girl): Wow, you’re radiating!
Sunburned girl: Yeaa, that’s the sunburn. Oh, and the fact that I get really horny during exams, and all I can think about is boning…(laughing)…. c’mon. You know you all do it.
Girl #1: Yea, I go to synagogue for that.

—McConnell

A bunch of American high-school students trying really hard to seem Quebec-legal having lunch
Student 1: Oh my God! You got a salad! That’s health food!
Student 2: It’s okay. We still love you.
Student 3: Oh my God! Salad!?! That’s so gay!

—Cafe Veranda

Asian Guy: God damn, that shooter down in the US is gonna give Asians a bad name. Quiet Asian guys will only be able to stay silent for 5 minutes before people get suspicious.
Mexican Guy: Join the club, down in the US, people only think of us as cheap landscapers.
Asian Guy: I don’t think we have a lot of Mexicans here.
Mexican Guy: That must be why your lawns look so shitty.
—Just Noodles on St.Laurent.

Guy: “Under this scared white boy facade, I’m really a strong black woman!”
—Douglas

Guy on megaphone (as McGill security guards show up): Okay everyone, McGill security is here, so, ummm, just hide your weed (groans from students) it’s okay guys, we’ll smoke it when they leave!

—Lower Field, on 420

Guy: Ive chewed on it, put it in my mouth, sucked it, and scratched myself with it. Do you still wanna play with it?

—Douglas

Guy 1: Hey, do you guys know why there are three Starbursts on top of the toilet?
Guy 2: Oh, those are mine!

—Douglas

Jewish girl: “This guy starting calling me a ‘JAP’ but I’m not even Asian!”

—Train from Montreal to Toronto

Guy #1: “There are no rats. No rats!”
Guy #2: (Unenthused) “Yeah, yeah…”
Guy #1: “No, Toronto is literally RAT-FREE!”
Guy #2: Tax-free?
Guy #1: “No, rat free man, there’s like a rat boarder patrol!”

—In front of Arts