Girl 1: Ugh, I just got raped by another final.
Girl 2: Seems all you talk about these days is getting sodomized by exams.
Girl 1: Why do you always assume it’s anal?
—Roddick Gates

Guy: “I don’t see race. I see white and foreign.”
—Burnside

Two guys BLAZED out of their minds are playing the Nintendo wii, complaining about the lack of downloadable games
GUY #1: Fuck man, Why can’t we just download it?
GUY #2: Because they’re fucking technocrats.
GUY #1: It’s not fair, we’re living in a technocracy!

Girl 1: She told me to sleep naked last night so that when you guys came in in the morning I’d be naked. I didn’t listen to her. I don’t usually sleep naked.
Girl 2: Didn’t you sleep naked the night before that?
Girl 1: Well, yeah. But that’s because I was too drunk to remember I wasn’t wearing pants. (pause) Tonight’s going to be one of those nights.

—Molson

(Two girls placing an order for food online)
Girl 1: What’s the postal code here?
Girl 2: um….I don’t know. I think it’s K3A something
Girl 1: Oh you mean H3A?
Girl 2: No, K ’cause we’re in Canada
Girl 1: …. for real?
Girl 2: yeah….is that not right?
Girl 1: oh my god.

—McConnell Residence

Guy 1: So you never the word “like” now?
Guy 2: I use it in similies, or, like….
*pause*
Guy 2 makes the motion of shooting himself in the head.

—Douglas

Girl 1: Ew, this sushi is like jizz, here eat some so I’m not the only one.
Girl 2: No.
Girl 1: Come on, put it in your mouth. Just taste it. Just a little bit. I don’t want to be the only one.

—Odaki Sushi