Girl 1: Want to have a beer with me tonight at 4 to 7?
Girl 2: Sure..when?
Girl 1: Well…tonight
Girl 2: I know, but when is it??
Girl 1, amazed with the stupidity of girl 2: Well, from 4 to 7…
—Bronfman

Drunk Girl: I’ll give you all AIDS!!! MOTHER FUCKING HIV!!!

—Lodge

Girl 1: Yeah, and that’s why we aren’t all drugged out
Drunk Girl 2: Yeah…C-O-C-K
Girl 1: (giggles)
Drunk Girl 2:…yep, thats why we aren’t coked out
Girl 1: …what?
Drunk Girl 2: Coke. C-O-C-K! Coke!

—RVC

Prof: “Oh, today is Johnny Cash’s birthday. In case you need a reason to drink.”

—COMP 280

(casually during a wine and cheese dinner…)

Girl 1: Can someone help me open this thing!
Girl 2: Oh My God No! dont do it like that, you have to hold it between your legs hard and screw it!
Girl 1: Wow it works really well!

—Solin Hall

Guy 1: Hey man, how was your birthday?
Guy 2: It was good.
Guy 1: Did you throw up?
Guy 2: Uh…yea the morning after.
Guy 1: (pumping his fist) Yes!!!!!—Durocher

Student (in Chinese): I drink beer faster than my “mei mei.”
Teacher: What were you trying to say?
Student: I drink beer faster than my grandmother.
Teacher: “Mei mei” is younger sister.
Student: Oh. That works too.

—Arts Building

Girl: I used to dress really “New York”, but I stopped because I started waking up hung-over all the time: less time to pick out outfits.

—Douglas Hall Pre-drink

(in a retort to a fellow drunken cohort)
Drunk guy: “…oh yeah? Well you should gag on my balls.”

—Brutopia