Slightly Drunk Guy 1: Dude that Physics exam sucked balls (Drunkest Guy 2 starts to laugh hysterically)
Slightly Drunk Guy 1: Dude, shut up.
Drunkest Guy 2: You said balls…get it? ‘Cause the class was in Le Cock.
Slightly Drunk Guy 3: I hate that damn room, I got like 4 classes there next year. What a sausage fest.
Drunk Guy 1: Leacock?
Drunkest Guy 2: Le Cock!!!!
- St. Catherine

Trashed girl: Wait, is all male strippers gay? [sic]
Guy: Ummmmmmm
- RVC

Drunk Girl: Well, I thought she could have gotten WAY more steaks for that blowjob but nooooo. She had to go up the hill to see some kids and fuck if I was giving her my last cigarette.

- Sherbrooke and St-Urbain

Guy: I walked in and they were having sex. But I just stood there making gross noises. Hopefully I can just drink this one off.
- Douglas Hall

Guy talking to another guy: Oh my god, cigarettes and beer just go so well together. It’s no wonder after I quit I gained 150 pounds!!!
—Second Cup on Milton & Parc

Drunk Girl 1 (loudly): Whoa, I feel so… promiscuous.
Drunk Girl 2: Um, I don’t think that means what you think it means.

—Metro grocery store, on St. Patty’s day

Drunk guys walking down st laurent talking about british accents
Guy: How come girls don’t like American accents?
Friends: No, they do, they do!
Guy: No they don’t, they think they’re fucking like…American.

—st. laurent

(two drunken semi-dressed people come out of a bedroom to find another drunk girl with a bleeding hand)

Drunk girl: I’m bleeding!!! Helppp!
Semi-dressed drunk girl: Shit! Put it under water!
Semi-dressed drunk guy: It’s okay — I’m a lifeguard!

—Upper Rez

“Man, I want a big fat fucking drink. Fatter than a fat fucking woman.”

—Red and White Graduation Ball

Stupid Girl 1: Ew all the beer and food this weekend, I swear I gained 10 lbs.
Stupid Girl 2: I know, I think I’ll fast tomorrow.

—New Rez Cafe