Prof: I discovered YouTube this weekend.
(class: scattered claps)
Prof: yeah beer and YouTube…bad combination…or maybe a good combination

—Poli 345- International Organization

(Guy sitting at bar drinking out of a pitcher at Biftek)

Bartender: Um, Sir, would you please drink out of a beer mug?
Guy: Naw its okay i’m fine with the pitcher.
Bartender: No, Sir, its for sanitary reasons, we don’t wash the pitchers.
Guy’s girlfriend: Eew get a mug.
Guy: Naw it’s okay, I’m almost done.

—Biftek

Girl (to her friend): “Ugh, this coat is so tight it’s like suffocating me!”
(Bunch of drunk guys walk by)
Drunk guy: “Wooohoooo! Check out the beer belly!”
Girl: “I HATE THIS COAT!!”

—Milton

Concerned Friend: You should take it easy drinking.
Drunk Girl: I am easy!!!

—-Douglas

Still Drunk Girl: Where’s the ‘r’ on the keyboard?
Guy: Really?
Still Drunk Girl: Oh, wait, is that what the little house means… homepage? Wow!
Guy: Oh my god.

—Stewart Bio

Professor: “We have recently seen a resurgence of capitalism in the U.S.”
(pauses)
Professor: “Oops, i mean a resurgence of capital punishment. You have to forgive me, I had a long night yesterday. I had to tend to certain vices…”
Professor: (sticks out tongue) “Certain good vices.”
(Class erupts in laughter)
Professor: (blushing) Oh god, I’ve already said too much.

—POLI 345 (International Organizations)

(Ed Note: This is a combination of two similar submissions of the same quote)

Guy 1: man, you know when we were drunk last night and thought [redacted] was in his room? turns out he was going down on [redacted].
Guy 2: that’s disgusting. dude i saw her with her shirt off yesterday and i almost puked up my free beer.
- ATOC-240

really drunk girl: (slurring her words) Oh my god, where are we going? I am so DRUNK!
other girl: Yeah, but it doesn’t matter! You won’t remember any of this in the morning!
really drunk girl: (laughs) SO TRUE.

— Alymer and Prince Arthur

Girl: So how was your night last night?
Guy: I dunno, we’ll have to see what the Facebook pictures say
- SnowAP Tent

[Girl opening mail]
Girl: Ambulance bill?? I thought that was a cab….

- Molson