Girl enters class late and slips on wet stairs near the front of class. Class giggles.
Prof: Are you ok?
Girl: Yea, it’s slippery
Prof: No shit
- POLI345

Teacher: How do you feel about working with the different definitions for the Oxford English Dictionary? Not at all comfortable? Somewhat comfortable? Very, very comfortable?
Student: *raises hand* I don’t care *students laugh* I mean I don’t mind! My bad, sorry!
- ENGL 215 Intro to Shakespeare

Prof: Is anyone in here Swedish?
Random kid: No, but I’m Finnish
T.A.: Well, it’s the last day of classes, we’re ALL Finnish!

Teacher: (after handing out papers explaining the stage)…So, if your co-operating teacher says to you “here’s the schedule for the class, I’m off”, what do you do?

Student: Whip it out. (surrounding students chuckle) I mean the paper!

-Classroom Practices, EDU 218

(cell phone goes off with Rihanna’s SOS ringtone)
Prof: …apparently Rihanna is calling.

-Math123 Linear Algebra and Probability

(The Professor is about to show the class a video demonstrating the effect of adding mentos to soda. A young kid is shown and is about to add mentos to cola)

Professor: While this wasn’t the most impressive mentos geyser that I saw, I did like how the kid almost got hit in the face.

-Chem 120, Leacock

Prof: Saddam was so powerful, he was like…God!…Wait…I don’t mean to compare Saddam to God, because you know, God is merciful.”
- Burnside

Discussing the play, “The Wild Duck” by Henrik Ibsen.
Guy: So, how are they scaling grades in this class, anyway?
Girl: Well, everyone kinds starts out with a B- and then they see what your essay is like. If you’re the one who wrote on your test ‘Gregors is a raccoon’ then you’re towards the bottom and everyone who didn’t say ‘Gregors is a raccoon’ does better than you.
Boy: Man, I gotta read this book.
- ENGL 314

Prof plays “Brain Damage”
Prof: ok how many of you recognize this song?
Some people raise their hands
Prof: Well what about the rest of you? Didn’t you ever smoke pot?!
- Cognition

Girl 1: Hey girls, I went back for reading week and so much happaned. Remember my friend Danielle? Apparently her father died.
Girl 2: uh huh…
Girl 1: And remember my friend Dan? I called his house and his mother said he killed himself last week.
Girl 2: okay…
Girl 1: And look at my hair. My hairdresser ruined it!
Girl 2: OH MY GOD, that is tragic!
- ANTH 209 lecture