Professor: Anyways, for the next few weeks I will be teaching you about Organic Chemistry. The reason why we decided to put a organic chunk into this course, is because a number of you will never take a organic chemistry course. And without the basics of organic chemistry you would of course live a completely and utterly meaningless life.
- CHEM 120

Someone’s cell phone starts ringing with “Scotty Doesn’t Know”.  The Prof starts doing a little dance.
Prof: Damn that’s a catchy tune, it’s almost worth the time you’ve wasted.
-Prep 101

Student: Are we only allowed to use pen, or can we use pencil?
Professor: Pen is preferable, but if you run out, pencil is better than writing in blood.
- Anth 204 Final, the Gym

Prof: I have a low threshold for body movement!

—Psych 204 May Class

American Girl 1: “OMG I just had the BEST idea!”
American Girl 2 stares blankly.
American Girl 1: “You know how like we can’t like get jobs but we still like want money…”
American Girl 2: “Yeah.”
American Girl 1 (so excited she’s about to burst): “We should sell our EGGS!!!”

—American Lit. 226 (Fall 2005 hence the job comment)

(In class at 9:30 in the morning, girls looking at their laptops)
Girl 1: Oh my god!
Girl 2: What?
Girl 1: This is horrible!
Girl 2: What is it?
Girl 1: I can’t believe they’ve done this just before exams! They’ve changed facebook!

—Poli 243

Prof: And then Fanon mentions the wanton violence of–
Foreign student: Excuse me…won ton?…
Prof: uhh…WAnton. WAAAAAnton.

—Leacock 132, POLI 232

(A prof criticizing a student’s paper because the thesis is not made explicit enough.)
Prof: Your paper is doing some heavy petting, but it’s not going all the way!

—HIST 551: Ancient History Seminar

Student (confused by geometric shape): So, why is it called an astroid?
Prof: Because it’s spaced out!

—MATH 151

Girl 1 (counting second girl’s piercings): 1, 2, 3, 4, and…5!
Girl 2: Nope! Nine! … Find the other 6 (winks)
Girl 1: You mean…the other 4?

—Biol 112, Leacock 132