Girl 1: Oh my god, i need to do so much shopping for birthrite Israel.
Girl 2: What could you possibly need that you don’t already have?
Girl 1: Well i need clothes that match sand, i mean it’s only desert out there….
Girl 2: Are you sure you have any idea what Israel is like?
—Milton and Aylmer

Guy: “I don’t see race. I see white and foreign.”
—Burnside

Girl #1 (to sunburned girl): Wow, you’re radiating!
Sunburned girl: Yeaa, that’s the sunburn. Oh, and the fact that I get really horny during exams, and all I can think about is boning…(laughing)…. c’mon. You know you all do it.
Girl #1: Yea, I go to synagogue for that.

—McConnell

Asian Guy: God damn, that shooter down in the US is gonna give Asians a bad name. Quiet Asian guys will only be able to stay silent for 5 minutes before people get suspicious.
Mexican Guy: Join the club, down in the US, people only think of us as cheap landscapers.
Asian Guy: I don’t think we have a lot of Mexicans here.
Mexican Guy: That must be why your lawns look so shitty.
—Just Noodles on St.Laurent.

Guy: “Under this scared white boy facade, I’m really a strong black woman!”
—Douglas

Jewish girl: “This guy starting calling me a ‘JAP’ but I’m not even Asian!”

—Train from Montreal to Toronto

Jew #1: The library is closed on Good Friday
Jew #2: Why?
Jew #1: Because Jesus died or something
Aggravated blonde Christian girl explains the story of Easter
Jew #2: So… isn’t it a coincidence that Jesus died at the end of Lent? What did he give up? Water or something?

—Redpath

Prof: And then Fanon mentions the wanton violence of–
Foreign student: Excuse me…won ton?…
Prof: uhh…WAnton. WAAAAAnton.

—Leacock 132, POLI 232

New Rez Toronto Girl: Ah I’m so mad that I didn’t get on birthright. Fuck this, how do I join hezbollah?

—St Denis

(Walking by clubs offices)
Guy 1: (Gives the finger to a closed office door) “Yeah fuck you.”
Guy 2: (reads sign on door) “Uh…that wasn’t cool, what was that for?”
Guy 1: “Just jealous of people with offices and we don’t.”
Guy 2: “Oh ok…cause I thought you had something against the National Society of Black Engineers.”

—Shatner, Fourth Floor