Girl on cell phone: “Yeah, I’m in health services”
(pause)
Girl on cell phone: “I just knew that I couldn’t possibly sit through that exam.”
(pause)
Girl on cell phone: “Okay, cool.  I’ll call you later.  We’re totally getting shit-boxed tonight! Alright.  Bye.”
–Health Services Waiting Room, Brown Building

Bio Guy 1: Ahh fuck… what the hell is the other example of a Hydrozoa other then hydra.
(Know it all girl starts doing a charade she marches and does the Hitler salute)
Bio Guy 2: How the hell does Hitler have to do with any of it?
Know it all girl: It s a Portuguese man o war !!!
Bio Guy 2: Hitler was German !!
Bio Guy 1: That s right and he exterminated the Portuguese….or was it the polish?
—Molson
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Guy giving the explanation: “So the fallopian tubes are where you stick your dick”

— Bio study session

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Exam Invigilator: Please place your ID on your desk in front of you. If you are visiting from another university, please place your ID from your home university on your desk.
First year meathead: Why would someone visit from another university to write an exam?
Friend (in shock): Like, on exchange.
First year meathead: (embarassed laughter)
—In the Gym, Natural Disasters Final Exam

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Prof:”You have to make sure your definition makes sense. Otherwise, it won’t”
—Math 354

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Guy 1: So did you rape that exam like you said you would?
Guy 2: Well I approached it as if I was to rape it, but then it turned out to be a three hundred pound man.
—After MATH 150 exam
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Guy 1: So how did the exam go?
Guy 2: Fucked it gently. *motions with pelvis*
—After BIO 111 exam

Blonde girl to Friend: “…And so I like totally said to the Prof, like, if I had known there would be this much reading and writing, I totally would have taken a different English class!”
—Leacock Computer Lab

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Girl #1: It’s so hard to study all day …I have to drink so much coffee.
Girl #2: My drug of choice is crack.
—Tim Hortons, Redpath

_______________________________

[two students deep in conversation at one of the tables. Two pregnant Chinese women waddle by, and the two students go completely silent and stare.]
Girl: Wow, you never see pregnant people at McGill.
Guy: Who’s got the time?
—Tim Hortons, Redpath
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(boys studying for natural disasters)
“Earth is bomb!!!”
—Molson Common Room
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dude 1: Hey man, so how was your final?
dude 2: Well, I always wondered what it would be like to get done up the ass with a five inch thick pole. Now I know.
dude 3: Nice.
—outside Leacock

Girl: So, it says one of my exams is “I-N Department. What does that mean?
Girl 2: (Pause)…it means in the department.
Girl 1: …um…huh? (blank stare)
Girl 2: …in the department the class is in.

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(Studying for Calculus final)
Girl 3: Is the prof going to give us one of those weird circle thingys?
Girl 4: The unit circle…?

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Security: You cannot enter the library with coffee.
Boy: This is not coffee; this is tea!
Security: Doesn’t matter, you cannot enter with
anything in that cup.
Boy: What if I carry my pens in it?
–Library

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“A question about the location; where and what exactly is GYM? I couldn’t find it on the campus map.”
–Econ208

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“If you fail the midterm, the oral presentation, the paper, and the final, you fail the term. ”

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Guy 1: I may very well spend christmas in a Santa Claus costume with a bottle of jack daniels in my hand…crying.
—Second cup

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Math aficionado: I haven’t had time to shower in 2 weeks.
—Burnside Basement

After a physics exam:
Guy 1: I don’t understand how you can be gay.
Guy 2: What do you mean?
Guy 1: Now that I’ve *experienced* sodomy, I don’t understand how anyone can like it.