(2 girls walking in the snow)
Girl 1: watch out for the frozen dog pee!
Girl 2: oh relax, i’m wearing boots… it’s not like i’m walking on my tongue!
Girl 1: WHAT?!?!
Girl 2: (stops) WHY DO I SAY THINGS LIKE THAT?!

—Hutchison

Girl (to her friend): “Ugh, this coat is so tight it’s like suffocating me!”
(Bunch of drunk guys walk by)
Drunk guy: “Wooohoooo! Check out the beer belly!”
Girl: “I HATE THIS COAT!!”

—Milton

Girl: “Hey, how much was that eighth you bought last weekend?”
Guy: “Eighth? What’s an eighth? Is it like three-quarters?”

—Plateau

(Several girls sitting outside a New Rez room)
Girl 1: OMG, the story is so funny, but it’s really really long. I can’t tell
the whole thing.
Girl 2: Oh please, come on, just tell it!
Girl 3: Can’t you just abridge it?
Girl 1: What about a bridge?
(stunned silence)

—New Rez

really drunk girl: (slurring her words) Oh my god, where are we going? I am so DRUNK!
other girl: Yeah, but it doesn’t matter! You won’t remember any of this in the morning!
really drunk girl: (laughs) SO TRUE.

— Alymer and Prince Arthur

Girl (to guy): “I waited in line for an hour, and got frostbite on all of my clothes!”

–Milton

(Two girls walking together)
Girl 1 (to her friend as she’s laughing): “Her dad, like, wants me. It’s gross!”

— Milton

Girl: ew the salt on the street is so gross! its ruining my pants
Guy: I know, Toronto is so much cleaner, Montreal is like…India

—Aylmer and Milton

Girl 1: Are we going out tonight?
Girl 2: I don’t know, but if we do, what are you going to wear?
Girl 1: You know that shirt you have that makes my tits look huge?
Girl 2: Yeah…?
Girl 1: I want to borrow that.
—Milton & University

“It doesn’t snow in Dubai?”

—Prince Arthur and Parc