“Well of course you’re going to take an ugly person seriously because, like, what else do they have?”

—Milton/University

Girl on cell: “So we basically decided it was when you cut off someone’s balls and shove them up his ass.
[Listens]
……Yeah, ok. Bye, Dad, I love you!”
–McGill Ghetto

Girl 1: “I did kiss my cousin.”
Girl 2: “Well, whatever. That’s not incest.”
Girl 1: “It’s not?”
Girl 2: “No, incest is like with your brother or something.”
Girl 1: “Ew!”

–Milton & Aylmer

Grad Student 1: Dude, how do you know you’ll be able to handle that??
Grad Student 2: Please. When I was an undergrad, I was like THE environmental manager for this Jewish frat.
[prolonged pause]
Grad Student 1: You’re Jewish??
Grad Student 2: Umm, no, dude. I just care.
—Prince Arthur

Girl (on cellphone): “… yeah, wait, I think somebody wants to ask me something. Yes?”
Truck driver (rolls down window, leans out): “Are you talking to your boyfriend?”

–On Prince Arthur

Guy #1:”Yo, did you see that girls tights?”
Guy #2: “Yo, I could see that girls vagina.”

–Milton

Girl 1: Are you going to dress up for Halloween?
Girl 2: Yeah, why?
Girl 1: Uhhh… I don’t know… all the guys I’ve talked to think that Halloween is just an excuse for us to dress up like sluts!
Girl 2: FUCK THAT!! I’m dressing like Zorro!

–prince arthur

[Two guys taking a study break]
Guy 1: Dude, girls are so boring.
Guy 2: I dunno… Girls get way more interesting once you get your dick inside them.

–Presse Cafe, Milton/Parc

[group of guys walking, about to pass a man with a chinchilla]
Guy: “I haven’t been able to pay attention to anything lately. It’s like I have AD… THAT’S A CHINCHILLA!”

—Mont-Royal

guy [to girl]: so I woke up with both of your lipsticks on my neck.

–near Milton Gates