Guy: I walked in and they were having sex. But I just stood there making gross noises. Hopefully I can just drink this one off.
- Douglas Hall

Girl: What if you were on a deserted island alone with only an ugly girl? Would you sleep with her then?
Superficial Guy: Maybe. But I’d cover her face with leaf before I did it. Actually, make that two leaves…in case the first one falls off.
Girl: OMG. What about a fat girl? Would you do a fat girl?
Superficial Guy: We’re on a deserted island right? Nothing to do? I’d make her run around a couple times, then I’d maybe think about it…
- Tim Horton’s on University

Girl: It’s not so much that I want to date short guys, I just really like having sex with them. Is that weird?
– Bleury

Guy: So I’m going out with Sara, and when she leaves Montreal I’m going out with Sara … the other one. I don’t put all my eggs in one Sara.
—Burnside basement

“I know everyone claims to be anti-American, but I mean, if you want to be screwed, you’d rather be screwed by the Americans than the Europeans – at least, the Americans will pay your cab fare home.”

—International Business class in Bronfman

Dorky Kid playing the tennis game on the Nintendo Wii and beating all challengers.
Dorky Kid: Oh man, I can’t wait till the Nintendo people come up with the Wii-jerking-off-game.
Other Guy playing Wii tennis against him: Dude, thats gross.
Dorky Guy: Man, C’mon…you cannot tell me you haven’t fantasized about it.
Other Guy: I fantasize about Angeline Jolie.
Dorky Guy: You’re such a loser…
—Computer Science Party, Durocher

Girl 1: Ugh, I just got raped by another final.
Girl 2: Seems all you talk about these days is getting sodomized by exams.
Girl 1: Why do you always assume it’s anal?
—Roddick Gates

Girl #1 (to sunburned girl): Wow, you’re radiating!
Sunburned girl: Yeaa, that’s the sunburn. Oh, and the fact that I get really horny during exams, and all I can think about is boning…(laughing)…. c’mon. You know you all do it.
Girl #1: Yea, I go to synagogue for that.

—McConnell

Girl 1: I know this skinny girl with double Ds.
Boy 1: Yeah… it’s all the fucking cow steroids in the milk.
Girl 1: I am going to go drink a gallon tonight.

—Lower Field

Guy: “Okay, but what’s the biggest problem?”
Girl:”It’s so annoying! Every time I go into her room, she’s masturbating!”

—Redpath