Boyfriend: So, what should we do for dinner? Japanese food?
Toronto/lululemon girl: No, I don’t feel like japanese.
Boyfriend: Hmmm. How about sushi?
Toronto/lulu girl: Yeah! I love sushi! Let’s get that!

—24 bus

(In the computer lab, two guys are talking quite loudly)

Annoyed Guy: Man that guy needs to shut-up
Annoyed Guy’s friend: Want me to stick something in his mouth?

—FDA 1

Guy 1: “You know what’s really hot?”
Guy 2: “What?”
Guy 1: “Sniffing a sexy chick’s underwear”
Guy 2: “Yeah man.”
Guy 1: “So you do it too? I do it after sex when she leaves the room?”
Guy 2: “Yeah. Me too. But usually, it’s my mom’s underwear so my girlfriend doesn’t get weirded out.”

—before class

Girl to friend: Oh my god, I told the BEST April Fools joke today…I told my boyfriend I was pregnant! It was hilarious!

—Eaton Center

(A prof criticizing a student’s paper because the thesis is not made explicit enough.)
Prof: Your paper is doing some heavy petting, but it’s not going all the way!

—HIST 551: Ancient History Seminar

Girl: My friend from the seminary is pregnant! With a baby! In her tummy!

—RVC

“Wait, when you die, don’t your genitals keep on growing?”

—Burnside

Girl (on phone): She did what?! With whom? And she hasn’t been to confession in HOW LONG!? Oh my god, she is SO on the express route to hell!

—Lorne

Guy: (to girl) “So i was leaning over and he was just pounding away.”
Another guy walks up: “So dude, you’re gay? I mean it sounds like anal is your thing.”
Girl: “You’re sick! He was leaning over the railing handing his brother a nail while his brother hammered a board in place!”

—Shatner

[during a rousing game of "Never Have I Ever"]
Girlfriend (to boyfriend): Oh right, you did cheat on me. I forgot.

—Sugar Shack Trip