Girl: “i wonder if they make disney porn. I mean come on, Belle and the Beast, that’d be hot, who wouldn’t want to watch that? I bet you can find it on the net, the internet that is. We should so go look it up now.”

—RVC

Girl 1: I have a d-cup!
Girl 2: I have a d-cup too!
Girl 3: Me too!
Girl 1: Yay! D-club!!!

—RVC

Nerd 1: Man, I think Superman wore a kryptonite condom…
Nerd 2: Dude, that would hurt.
Nerd 1: Yeah, man!

—BMH Cafeteria

Rich Girl: “Yeah, that was my pickup line over the summer: ‘So, wanna walk me down to my boat?’”
Girl: “haha nice… what’s your pickup line now?”
Rich Girl: “Um….’So, wanna bone?’”

—Molson

Guy 1: So what are you in?
Girl: Physiology but I’m taking physics and anatomy.
Guy 2: Shit! So you get to go to the morgue and stuff?
Girl: Yea! I love it!
Guy 1: Do you have to touch their privates?!?
—Roddick Gates

Girl 1: Lately, it feels like I’m on fire when I have sex.
Girl 2: That’s what happened when I had gonorrhoea.
Guy (at next table over): Wow, those girls were pretty hot before I heard that… I have to stop eavesdropping.

—BMH

“… and she said, ‘Stop doing that or you’re going to get gonorrhea in your throat!”

—outside of the McGill Metro stop

Guy 1: So, what’s the mask for?
Guy 2: Oh, its so when you finger-bang a goat on camera your face won’t show up on the internet.
Guy 1 (shocked): We’re finger-banging goats? I don’t even think there are goats in Montreal.

—Leacock Lobby

Guy (on the phone): “So can I come over? I really wanna see you…Is mono contagious?”
Girl (nearby): *glares at guy*
Guy: “Shit, now some crazy girl is staring at me.”
Girl: *stares incredulously at guy*
Guy (to girl): “That’s right! I see you!”

—McIntyre

Guy: What do you want?… you jerkin off?… great!

—through the walls of an apartment on ste. famille and prince arthur