[Discussion of the Trojan Prince, Paris, and how he had a way with women]
Prof: Trojan princes had to spend most of their time in the fields and with the animals, so Paris goes out to the hills and amuses himself with the sheep accordingly.
[Entire class starts laughing]
Prof: Oh! No! No! That came out wrong!

–Greek Mythology

Girl 1: “I did kiss my cousin.”
Girl 2: “Well, whatever. That’s not incest.”
Girl 1: “It’s not?”
Girl 2: “No, incest is like with your brother or something.”
Girl 1: “Ew!”

–Milton & Aylmer

[guy and girl making out against the wall at Biftek]

Guy: I’ve been lying to you, my name isn’t really John…
Incredibly drunk girl hanging on him: It’s ok, i forgot what your name was anyway…
(pause, then they continue making out)

[Sitting in a movie theatre at 1 in the afternoon just as the previews start, a couple walks in]
Girl: Wow it’s so dark I can’t even see the back row!
Guy: That’s where you go to have sex.
Girl: [Silence]
[Couple proceeds to sit in the back row.]

—Paramount on St. Catherine

Girl: (whispering) “Seriously, what could be better than a lesbian threesome to classical music?”

—Leacock 132

“So at what point does CPR become necrophilia?”

– McLennan Library caf

Bummed out girl: “Dude, it’s not like anyone masturbates to ME…”
Eager friend: That’s not true!

–RVC

Guy: Let’s have sex.
Girl: Are you sure? I’m a necrophiliac, so if we were to have sex, I’d literally have to kill you first.
Guy: Well, I’ve got a severe case of rigor mortis in my pants right now.

—In the caf

Guy #1:”Yo, did you see that girls tights?”
Guy #2: “Yo, I could see that girls vagina.”

–Milton

unwaxed girl #1 : hey do you know where i can get a wax around here?
unwaxed girl #2 : no, im looking too…but i haven’t found a place yet.
unwaxed girl #1 : ya i really wanna find one cause i just finished my period and wanna be good to go for frosh week.

–outside BDP (Ed Note: presumably back in August)