Guy: Yeah, i got her a fucking heart-shaped box of chocolate and shit.
Girl: Aww, that’s so romantic.

-Campus

Girl 1: The only thing keeping me in university is fear of what other people would think if I dropped out.

Girl 2: Yeah, if it weren’t for society, I would totally just go to Mexico and be a prostitute.

-Second Cup

Guy: I hug you and all I get is head.

- outside Wong

Professor: Does anyone know what MAT stands for?
(Silence)
Professor: Ménage à trois.
(Laughter)
Oblivious Student: Must be a lot of French people here…

-Otto Maass

Professor: There are normal and excessive sex organs. Excessive organs are like breasts in women. We’ll touch upon them next class.

-Subway in Arts

(talking about a professor)

Girl: He’s so hot, with that white shirt he always wears.

Guy: Actually last week he was wearing this….burlesque-like sweater!

Girl: … you mean burlap?

–Leacock

Guy: Did she use the strap-on banana?

- Outside Redpath cafeteria

Girl 1: Sex is like the best diet ever. You burn so many calories.

Girl 2: Uhhhh, that’s not a diet, that’s an exercise regime.

Girl 1: Not the sex I have…

Girl 2: Gross.

-Prince Arthur

Guy 1: So you think I should tell her?

Guy 2: No dude, a zit on the dick is definitely not first date material.

-Redpath

(Guy and Girl riding in a elevator)
Girl: I said “groups”, NOT boobs. God.
Guy: Oh. (Pause) Sorry, I see boobs everywhere; everything is boobs to me. (Points to the elevator buttons.) Look at these – nipples arranged in a particular pattern.

–Schulich