Professor: I don’t even turn on the television anymore. It’s just violence. It’s all rape, and gore, and homosexual pedophiles in wheelchairs who chop up grandmothers.
- 19th Century Philosophy

Prof: There are typically three signs that indicate a child may be at risk for developing pyschotic tendencies. What are they?
Student: Pyromania, mutilating or killing animals, and early sexual tendencies.
Prof: That’s right. Now if you’re a parent and your kid is having sex with flaming animals, I would get that checked out.
- McConnell 13

Secretary: Can you come in at 12:30 on Friday to see a doctor?
Student: No, I have class.
Secretary: How about 1?
Student: No, I have class
Secretary: How about 1 on Thursday?
Student: No, I still have class
Secretary: Well, HOW do you expect to see a doctor if you have class all the time?!
- Student Health Services

Girl: I want a baby for Christmas.
- Geo Lounge

Guy: Hey you ever notice how American cornpops are different than Canadian ones?
New rez girl: YEAH! I know, eh! Think about it!
(Silence)
- New Rez

Guy 1: Yeah, but I mean the level of gay sex was just … I mean WOW. It was huge.
Girl 1: Well sure, but the midgets get caught everywhere.
- ARTS Cafe

A group of high school or junior high kids walk through campus. One, 14 or 15, breaks the silence.
Kid: When I get older, I’m going to blow this place up.
- in front of Macdonald Engineering

Girl 1: Did you know there’s an underground tunnel connecting Leacock and Redpath?
Girl 2: Really?! I wish there was a tunnel connecting Leacock and Stewart Bio… I mean, it wouldn’t be that hard to do, would it?

-Corner of Peel and Dr. Penfield

(Its 5 in the morning and two guys have obviously been overworking for at least 10 hours)

Guy 1: How did you study for the calculus final?
Guy 2: Well, my friend took the course and he failed it
Guy 1: What are you talking about… what does your friend have to do with it
Guy 2: I said I took it. Who are you talking about, which friend?
Guy 1: You said that your friend took the course and failed it.
Guy 2: I never said that.

-Burnside at 5 am

ditzy girl: …and then she said that she had a component face!
guy: what??
ditzy girl: You know, like, in science and stuff.
guy: huh?
ditzy girl (getting annoyed): You knowwww…there’s like, little things that swirl around together and make Adam.
guy: You mean Atoms?
ditzy girl: No stupid!! The Garden of Eden.
guy: The Garden of Eden is on your face???
ditzy girl (getting really annoyed): NO idiot! That’s ridiculous. (pauses) It was on HER face.
guy (really confused): What’s your major again?
ditzy girl: Some science thing. I can’t remember
guy: I thought you were taking History?
ditzy girl: Duh!! You are so stupid sometimes. History IS science
guy: (silent)
ditzy girl: I don’t even know why I even bother with you sometimes. How did you get into McGill???
- Outside the McGill bookstore