Girl 1: So, are you coming back for New Year’s?
Girl 2: Oh, definitely… when is New Year’s this year? The 31st?
Girl 1: Yeah, I think so…

-HISP 225

Guy:…and that’s how I got Herpes in both my eyes.

-University and Milton

Freshman Girl: Excuse me, where did you get that Tim Hortons cup?

Confused Older Student: Uhh… Tim Hortons?

-Schulich

A couple is walking out of a restaurant.

Guy: Now it’s time for surprise number three!
Girl: Don’t you mean surprise number two?
Guy: No, surprise two was taking you to dinner.
Girl: What was surprise number one, then?
Guy: Having sex before dinner.

Girl pauses to think.

Girl: Oh, right.

-St. Catherine

Student 1: (looks at paper) Wait, so what is this? Egyptian?
Student 2: No, actually that’s math…

–Trottier

Girl 1: Shit, I don’t know what to order! The whole menu is in French!

Girl 2: Uh, no. Duh, it’s in Spanish. French doesn’t use the letter “m.”

-St. Laurent

Girl 1: This water bottle is making my backpack soooo heavy!

Girl 2: Ohhh is it one of those “Save the poor people in Africa” water bottles?

Girl 1: No, it’s just a Montclair.

-Starbucks

Girl talking with her friend

Girl: I can’t even flirt my way to a B+ on this test.

–Leacock

Girl: I was giving him head, and I’m like “Umm…you’re 31, that’s so old.” Then he goes, “You think I’m old? I really thought we connected.” Then I said, “No I don’t think so, you’re freaking me out.” Then I told him he had to leave. He didn’t though. He slept over.
-Durocher

Girl 1: Eating someone’s brains after they die is thoughtful?!
Girl 2: So they can live on through you!
Girl 3: Through what, your shit?!

- McTavish