[upon attempting to clarify the negative and derogatory connotations surrounding the F-word]
Prof: If someone on the street does something that offends you, you say “Fuck You!” I highly doubt, however, that you actually mean “I hope you have a happy sexual time this afternoon.”
- Intro to Feminist Theory

Sober guy: Where IS he?? Is he yacking?
Drunk 1st year: I’ll check the washroom
(kicks open door)
Sober guy: And….
Drunk 1st year: well… replace yacking with shitting, and toilet with bathtub
- New Rez

Girl: I’m trying to stop drinking so much, so I’m going to need to start smoking more weed.
- Chez Cora’s

Guy 1: All right… but you can’t copy it. I’ll help you instead.
Girl 1 (batting eyelashes): We won’t copy it, we’re not stupid.
Girl 2: Well, we are stupid, we’re just not that stupid.
—Trottier

Nerd: Your friendship is like the limit of 1/x as x approaches 0.
- Macdonald Campus

Prissy girl: Oh my goddddd my back hurts sooooo much… my bag is sooooooooooo heavy…
Random Stoner guy: Oh ya? Well I’m carrying around a 10-pound cock, what the fuck do you got?
- Outside Arts

Girl: When I was younger, I thought penises were remnants of tails.
Friends: *shocked silence*
Girl: So, you know, I thought that girls must be more highly evolved than guys because girls don’t have those little tails.
- Sherbrooke

Girl 1: Oooh my God, I was reading Overheard, and something I said was on it! It made me sound like SUCH a slut.
Girl 2: Well… I mean, you are sometimes…
Girl 1: Yeah, but the INTERNET doesn’t need to know it!
- Leacock

Guy 1: I heard about this guy whose girlfriend got date raped while he was with her. He was so pissed.
Guy 2: But it’s like, such a compliment if your girlfriend gets date raped, ’cause then you know she’s hot.
- New Rez

Prof: It’s not a question of actual babies, it’s a question of HYPOTHETICAL babies.
- Stewart Bio