Girl 1: It’s so awkward when you hear somebody have sex. The other day my roommate came up to me and said she could often hear me having sex unless her music is blasting. That night she walked in on me and told me she wanted to turn her music off so she can go to sleep. She actually asked me not to moan too loud!
Girl 2: Yeah the other time I told my mom: “Yeah mom, like, I could hear you have sex last night… Our house is pretty small you know”
- Press Cafe

(A discussion about penis size)
Girl 1: You need at least 5 inches.
Girl 2: I need at least, like . . more!”
- Thompson House

Prof: ..for example, some damselfish populations have only one male. And if the male gets killed, one of the females will transform into a male within hours.
Student: How do you figure out gender on the reef?
Prof: We can tell because all of a sudden they stop asking for directions.
- Stewart

3 guys wearing mcgill sweatshirts, presumably roommates, are waiting in line at the registers and are impatiently wondering where the 4th guy is…
Guy 1: where is he?
Guy 2: i know, how long does it take to get cans of the soda he wanted?
(guy 4 returns, empty handed and dejected)
Guy 3: what happened? you couldn’t find them?
guy 4 shakes his head no…
Guy 3: alright, i’ll go help you
(a good 10 minutes pass…they were now at the register and the clerk is ringing up their order and still no sign of guy 3 or guy 4)
Guy 2 to guy 1: wow, remind me never to go shopping here again with both of them
Guy 1: yeah, i know
- Metro on Parc during first week of finals

A group of high school or junior high kids walk through campus. One, 14 or 15, breaks the silence.
Kid: When I get older, I’m going to blow this place up.
- in front of Macdonald Engineering

(Bus drives by with ad for upcoming Pussycat Dolls concert)
Guy: Hey look, the Pussycat Dolls are coming to Montreal!
Girl: Cool.
Guy: Wanna go?
Girl: Yeah we can sit in the front row and masturbate!
- Sherbrooke and Parc

Girl 1: He has this really different accent because he’s from Niagara.
Girl 2: WHAT! He’s on Viagra?!?!
Guy: Possible Side Effects: you get a strong Canadian accent
- Geo Lounge

(A fat Asian guy with red dyed hair walks by)
Really White Guy: Dude! That guys looks just like Hiro, you know from Heroes!
Friend: Are you an idiot that guy looked nothing like him. Man can’t you tell Asian guys apart.
White Guy: Of Course I can! Clearly you’re not a fan of the show.
- Outside Otto Maass near the garden.

Guy: Man, see that scaffolding? The next girl I screw will be on one of those.
(sees a girl also walking under the scaffolding in the opposite direction)
Guy: (to the girl) How you doing? *ala Joey from Friend*
-Milton and Lorne

Guy: I’m not trying to make out with you… I’m just trying to get it in there!
Girl: THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!

-Sherbrooke & Peel