Guy 1: So did you do the extra credit part of the midterm?
Guy 2: Nah man, I was way too tired from jacking off all night.
- HIST 221

Girl: I bet you everyone in here is so stoned.
Boy: why?
Girl: because its 4/20
Boy (looking at his watch confused): ..but its 9:30…
- walking into Frites-Alors

(3 Girls and 2 Guys are walking, 2 couples and a single girl)
Not-single guy 1: Let’s go pick up a bottle and drink on the hill.
Single girl: Can we go to a club first so I can pick up a date? I feel like the 5th wheel.
Not-single girl 1: We can invite Enrico and Bob, they’ve been dating for a few weeks now.
Single girl: That won’t help, then I’ll be a 7th wheel.
Not-single girl 2: Then you’ll be like a minivan!
Single girl: What?
Not-single girl 2: Wait…how many wheels does a minivan have?
- St Catherine

Girl: I would only go to Queens to be closer to my boyfriend.
Guy: Eww, I would so not be your friend any more if you went to Queens!
—University

Guy: I’ll go check his Facebook to look for his Myspace.
(finds his Myspace)
Guy: You’ve made it too easy, Sir! You’re going to get raped!
- AUS lounge

Girl 1: Yeah, Bill Clinton has this disease that makes him constantly erect. Like, he has to take medication to make it stop. Some other big, famous black guy has it actually, but I forget who it is. I think he was an NBA player…
Guy 1: Shaquille O’Neal? I can definitely see him having that.
[silence]
Girl 1: Oh no, I’ve got it! It was Malcolm X.
- Milton Gates

Guy: Hey you ever notice how American cornpops are different than Canadian ones?
New rez girl: YEAH! I know, eh! Think about it!
(Silence)
- New Rez

Guy: “Listen…Bob Dylan…Musical genius, yea…but premature ejaculator.”

Guy 1: Yeah, but I mean the level of gay sex was just … I mean WOW. It was huge.
Girl 1: Well sure, but the midgets get caught everywhere.
- ARTS Cafe

Girl talking on cellphone
Girl: He had stubby fingers. Little stubby butcher’s fingers. You wouldn’t want to feel those caressing your body.
Long Pause
Girl: He was a good lay, though.
- Outside McConnell